rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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