Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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