He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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