This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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