Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
