wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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