Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
