What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
tell me about the fingering
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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