Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
