Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
