Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
