the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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