After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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