Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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