Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
