so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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