who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
