The maid of honor just puked.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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