covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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