Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
