So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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