So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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