Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
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My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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