alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
