I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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