yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
