dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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