I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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