barbara walters just said penis...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
