Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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