...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
