I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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