the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
