Need sex. Gaining weight.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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