Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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