dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Holy sore nipples Batman
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
