there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
