Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
