He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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