I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
