At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
