1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
