Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
