TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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