omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i think my mom watched the whole time
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
