so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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