Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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