I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
