I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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