Got a toothbrush?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
