he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
