what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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