is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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