I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
