Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
