She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
