super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
