Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
