On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
