Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
