He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
