idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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