ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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