i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
