The maid of honor just puked.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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