I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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