Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
