Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
