Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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