I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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