you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
North Korea, Best Korea!
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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