i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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