I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
