remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
