So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Michael Bay diarrhea
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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