i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
