I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
