oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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