i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
