Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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