Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
