can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
